WRITER: Caustic

SYNOPSIS: Have you ever ran into a salesman and wondered, ..."How did this person ever get to be this way. " Why don't they just get a real job. Have you ever been led down the wrong road by the countless pathetic Help Wanted ads? The lies, the deception, the arrogance by the ones who play god with financial security. It's enough to drive you to.....you'll have to read the story.

CHARACTERS:
Robert
Heather
Roi
Nova
John J. McMurphy
Alex


The first 10 pages of the script are brought to you as a preview. All rights reserved and copywritten.

TITLE: Help Wanted

FADE IN:

EXT. A RESIDENTIAL DEVELOPMENT SITE. HOT SUMMER MORNING

A bulldozer levels a sub-urban pad for a house with a settlement date a month away. From a rooftop, one lot over, ROI CAUSTIC, a 30 something, shirtless, chisel bodied roofing contractor, is working at a machine-like pace. His air gun rips across a four-tab shingle so fast, that a single crackle is heard, even though 4 nails where fired. Already a new shingle is laid, another crackle, another shingle… Sweat pours off a young male STOCKER as he precisely drops a new bundle of shingles ahead of Roi like a card dealer in Vegas. Several other roofers work methodically together. An adjacent home reveals exposed plywood awaiting the CREWS Arrival. In 4 hours that home too will be roofed.

Across the street, a new homeowner, ROBERT JONES, a middle aged, white-collar worker, peers out the window from his breakfast nook. A Bulldozer is ROARING, an air compressor is CHURNING and the neighbors are getting restless.

INT. ROBERT’S BREAKFAST NOOK.

Robert slams shut the nearly soundproof window continuing to watch the workers. HEATHER, his cute, homemaking wife still wearing her nighties, enters the nook tossing a newspaper to the table. The HELP WANTED section lands upward. A coffee maker PURKLES out the last drop of fresh brewed caffeine. Robert glances at his watch, adjusts his necktie, reading the newspaper. After pouring 2 cups, Heather sits next to Robert, placing both cups in front of her. She runs her hands through his perfectly styled head of hair. Robert pulls his head away, resumes reading.

ROBERT
Hey, watch the hair!

HEATHER
I have my coffee, what are you drinking?

Without looking, Robert snags one of the cups.

ROBERT
Twelve years, twelve years today! Going to get a raise, I can just feel it.

HEATHER
A raise! Great, can we…

ROBERT
Come on now, don't get carried away. The minute I mention raise, you have it spent.

HEATHER
But Robert…

ROBERT
Heather!

HEATHER
Robert…

ROBERT
Heather, are we going to do this all day, because I’m not going to give…

Heather becomes tempered momentarily, but calmness prevails her.

HEATHER
Then I’m going to get a job.

Robert is now angered, she has his attention now as he drops the newspaper and glares at her.

ROBERT
What?

HEATHER
A job!

ROBERT
I know what you said. Doing what? You don't have any job experience…

HEATHER
Amy called me. She says it’s so fun…

He chokes on his coffee, jumps to his feet in anger.

ROBERT
No way! You’re not going to prostitute yourself like that…

Heather pleading.

HEATHER
She’s a massage therapist!

Robert degrading, eyes bulging.

ROBERT
Massage nothing, that’s a sleazy job and you know it…

HEATHER
It’s an art form! Not everyone can do it…

ROBERT
Right, not everyone can do it, and you’re one of them!

HEATHER
Just what are you imagining with your sick little mind?

ROBERT
Imagining? Realizing! Realizing that you’re in denial!

HEATHER
Denying? The only thing I’ve been denying is that you’re a sick, jealous person!

Robert approaches Heather to intimidate her. Talks close.

ROBERT
Then you tell me! You’ve seen the James Bond movies. Are they wearing clothes when they get massages? NO!

HEATHER
You’re loosing it! Sit down and eat!

Robert sits down, starts to take a bite, realizes she got the last word. He tries to keep him mouth shut, but just can’t do it. Just before he speaks, Heather beats him to it.

HEATHER
Wow, that’s a first! For once you let me get the last…

ROBERT
Yes, I’m trying to apply what we learned at counseling.

HEATHER
What’s that?

ROBERT
Listening! You said sit down and eat! I did!

HEATHER
That’s interesting. I didn’t think you ever heard anything I say.

Robert, even louder, more arrogant.

ROBERT
Oh, I heard you! Then you asked me if I’m loosing it! The answer is No! You think half the men in this town are going to come to you to feel good? Is it any wonder I won't have kids with you? Picture that! A pregnant woman running around giving every man in town a thrill!

HEATHER
You know, it’s not just men that get massages!

ROBERT
Don't even bring that up! Don't even…

HEATHER
Just because I have short hair doesn't make me a lesbian!

Long pause.

ROBERT
I didn't say that.

HEATHER
Well you said it before!

Total silence. Robert is staring for a winner in the fight. Speaking sincerely, this time.

ROBERT
Well, I should “not” have said it.

Turns the mood from a fight to one of concern.

ROBERT
I’m sorry. I’m blowing off steam. Forget I said any of this.

HEATHER
Oh, just forget it, right?

It’s just that I think too highly of you. I can’t stand the thought of you having to lower yourself. People should be serving you.

Heather, kind, but doubtful.

HEATHER
You’re just saying that.

ROBERT
No, I mean it. My father made sure mom never had to work. I always felt when I got married, that I wanted to do the same for my wife.

HEATHER
Did you ever stop to think that some people enjoy working? A job doesn’t have to be all about money, it’s a sense of accomplishment.

ROBERT
Well, all I know is that answering to people every day isn’t fun. There’s always somebody making decisions for me. I feel helpless. I feel controlled.

Heather, speaking sarcastically.

HEATHER
Sounds familiar.

ROBERT
I get so upset that I can’t give you everything that you really deserve. Then it turns to a fight about something stupid.

HEATHER
All fights are stupid.

ROBERT
But I’m not trying to control you. I’m trying to get a handle on our life.

HEATHER
You want things to be perfect!

ROBERT
We get so close to being there. Every time I think we have enough, then bam, someone pulls the rug out from under us!

HEATHER

Things will never be perfect. I know it’s important to plan, but, look at us. Did your parents plan to have you? Did they plan for your sister?

ROBERT
No, but…

HEATHER
Think of how sad it would’ve been for you to grow up without her. But your parents worked things out.

ROBERT
Yeah, but times are different now.

HEATHER
Well, let me tell you! My father stalled around forever until my mother finally had to make plans of her own!

ROBERT
What?

HEATHER
Please, don’t ever repeat this! Promise?

ROBERT
Right. I promise.

HEATHER
The “reason” I exist on this planet. Really, don’t tell. My mother would die if this got out.

ROBERT
Tell me, you can trust me…

Heather, slowly, nervously.

HEATHER
She took a needle and…

Gestures poking a tiny hole.

ROBERT
…and, what?

HEATHER
…poked a pinhole through the condom!

Robert jumps up and spits coffee out his nose chocking. Calms down.

ROBERT
Oh boy, with that in mind, let me go in there today, get that raise, and then we can talk about, well, you know…

Heather perks up.

HEATHER
Oh, really? I hope that…

ROBERT
Yes, we can “talk” about it. I don’t want any pinhole ideas running through your mind.

HEATHER
Oh, we can do more than “talk about it”.

Heather kisses Robert.

ROBERT
Did you brush your teeth?

Heather backs off a little embarrassed.

HEATHER
Did you blow your nose?

Phone RINGS. Robert starts reading the paper again.
Heather, speaking into the phone.

HEATHER
Hello? Oh, I’m fine thank you. Well, my husband reads the paper more than I do, but uh, he's getting ready for work.

Heather, listening to the NEWSPAPER REP.

HEATHER
I really never thought of it like that. How much would we save?

ROBERT
Who is it? Give me the phone!

HEATHER
It's the newspaper. They want to know if…

ROBERT
Again?

Robert annoyed. Grabs phone. Talking rudely into the phone.

ROBERT
Don't you think if I wanted the paper delivered to my shrubs every morning I’d have ordered it by now?

Robert tones it down a little.

ROBERT
Hey, are you looking at a computer screen right now?
Yeah? You got some kind of database there in front of you? Great, you see my name on it?

Robert’s voice raised.
ROBERT
Delete it, or I will have your ass fired!

Robert’s voice changes to polite but fake.

ROBERT
Wait a minute, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re just being helpful. Yeah, I mean it. You’re trying to help me, so maybe I can help you.

Faintly hear telemarketer through the phone.

NEWSPAPER REP
Great, so you’ll buy a subscription!

ROBERT
No, good try. That paper you work for, does it have a sports section? Great! A Comic section too? Good! How about a "Help Wanted" section? Really?

Robert, mockingly speaking to Heather.

ROBERT
Honey, this newspaper has a help wanted section!

Robert, speaking to phone. Again rudely.

ROBERT
Why don't you scour through it, and get a real job!

Robert, after SLAMMING the phone, calmly walks to the window with his coffee, sips last few drops.

HEATHER
Don’t you think you were a little rough on him?

Ignoring her and peering out the window, Robert sees a roofer across the street, pouring coffee down his throat. Robert opens the window. Compressors CHURNING, nail-guns CRACKLING.

EXT. ROOFTOP SAME MOMENT
Stocker slides down the roof handing Roi a hot coffee.

ROI
We’ve been here three hours and the white collars are just heading to work! They don't know what a real job is.

The blistered, sun scorched Stocker, speaking sarcastically.

STOCKER
They’re missing out!

As steam pours from his coffee, Roi gulps half the cup, and as if the caffeine takes immediate affect, he bursts with a sudden rush of energy. SCREAMING.

ROI
WHOOOOO! YEHHH!

Roi throws his cup and hits the stocker in the head to motivate the CREW. A unified war cry, and it’s back to work. This is the madness of their occupation.

FADE IN: INT. ROBERT”S BREAKFAST NOOK. SECONDS LATER

ROBERT
You know, those lunatics woke me up at six o’clock! Screaming from the rooftops!

HEATHER
You’re not the only one.

ROBERT
Why would anyone take a job like that?

Heather walks towards window to sneak a peak.

HEATHER
A job like what?

ROBERT
Telemarketers!

HEATHER
He was only doing his job.

ROBERT
It bothers me to no end. What events have unfolded in their pathetic little lives that they would resort to saying, “I’ll take the job! I don’t mind calling people over and over”…

Heather taking notice of the time.

HEATHER
You’re going to be late for your pay raise.

ROBERT
Right! Later!

Robert grabs his corporate tools, namely a briefcase and his coffee mug as he bolts out of the house. Camera follows Robert walking to his car then focuses onto roof scene. Roofers are working relentlessly.

EXT. ROBERT’S WORKPLACE. MOMENTS LATER

The words “reserved for management” mark the parking spot at the Industrial Building where Robert works. Robert’s CAR pulls in. He gets out, walks towards the main entrance. A suit wearing COMPANY MAN meets Robert at the door, blocking him out.

ROBERT
What is it? Are they planning a surprise party for me? You know, it “has been” twelve years today?

COMPANY VP
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we can’t let you in! There’s been cut backs. Effective immediately!

2nd MAN
You’re one of the cut backs.

Robert is stunned, disbelief.

ROBERT
What the hell are you talking about? It’s a joke, right?

COMPANY MAN
Believe me, I wish.

2nd MAN
Would you rather we let you work all week, and not pay you? That’s what corporate was going to do!

COMPANY MAN
We learned of it last night. We’re risking our job to stand out here!

ROBERT
What do you mean risking “your job”? I’m “out” and you still have a job? I bust my…

COMPANY MAN
Some of us are going to continue until the take over is complete, and then we’ll probably be “out” too!

ROBERT
Take over, what’s going on? Just last week Miller was talking about stock options. Bonuses!

Robert lunges to the door screaming, prompting the company men to kick him to the curb.

COMPANY MAN
Come on, let’s step back! Think it over!

ROBERT
Where’s Miller? I’ll tear him up! Why isn't he out here, that son of a…

Robert throws his brief case into the building. Manager grabs Robert’s arm. 2nd Man steps closer.

MANAGER
I have a family, Rob! I hate it as much as you do, but walk away! We don't want a scene!

2nd man
Nothing we can do, so go home!

ROBERT
This is wrong. They’ve been leading us on, no warning!

Robert’s head drops, turns away and walks towards his car. Turns and scowls back at the men.

ROBERT
You’re not the only one with a family! What am I going to do?

Robert leans on car. Has emotional breakdown. Suddenly he charges the building, picking up a brick, screaming. Throws a brick at building that hits wall and falls harmlessly.

Both men grab Robert, restraining him.

COMPANY MAN
It’s not going to make matters better! Go home! Go home now!

ROBERT
This is not fair, not fair.

MANAGER
That’s right, it’s not fair! The world is not fair. Nobody said it would be!

Robert walks back to the parking lot, leans on car, slamming his hand onto the hood. Starts shaking, crying, pulling his hair. Speaking in an undertone. Repeatedly slams fists onto the car.
Leans on to car to calm down. Robert struggles to get the key to fit into the car lock. Shocked, nervous. Slowly turns around.

Camera drifts to identical car parked adjacent to car Robert is slamming.

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